FRIEND OR FOE

Peace2
Hiya LHers, hehehehehehehe thanks for helping me with that word Tibs. Hope your Val went well? I have nothing to say about mine because it was like a regular Saturday for me. To the day’s post. The word ‘best friend’ has never been one I find interesting, I think its because of a bad experience I had in secondary school. I had my first best friend in primary school and when they moved to another state, I became best friendless. When I got to secondary school in JS3, I met Clara (not real name) and we became so close.

I know my secondary school friends on my blog can relate with this post. You see ehn, Clara and I were two different people but how we blended back then is still a mystery or maybe we blended in my head alone. Clara was the fashion, loud, crazy and party type while I was the cool, intelligent and party-less type. You know how people say ‘birds of a feather flock together?’ well, Clara and I weren’t like that because she performed poorly in class. She wasn’t really ready to learn but that didn’t stop me from making her my best friend. I would do her assignments, test and even examination. I made sure we sat together in class and during examination. I told her things, lots of things about me which she later used against me. My other friends would be like babe, you have to be careful with what you tell this girl but I was so blinded with how I felt about her(no homo please). I knew she was the type who talked about people but I didn’t think she would do same to me because of our relationship but I guess I was wrong about her.
Something happened in SS2 and we quarreled. Our quarrel made me see and hear things she had been saying about me to people when we were friends. Mehn… I was so heart broken when I heard all she said, I cried my heart out and I went to her.(I hate confrontations but if you say something bad about me or my family, I will definitely walk up to you and tell you how I feel) I told her the only mistake I made was trusting her so much and making her my best friend, I said so many things I can’t remember anymore because I was in tears (Truth is, I still feel hurt till date. I feel sad as I’m typing this post). She knelt down and started begging me but I was too hurt and I told her I would never forgive her and walked away. I knew she felt bad for what she did because everyone was on my side and they were disappointed in her. She chased me and continued begging but mehn, she cut me deep. My friends told me to forgive her and I told them I wanted to be alone. Weeks later, I forgave her but she stopped being my best friend and I stopped caring about her academically. She almost repeated SS2 and I don’t know what happened to her after SS3. She changed my mindset about ‘best friends.’ She closed the door to best friends in my heart and after her, I never used that word again. I have close friends I am loyal to but no best friend.
Deep post right? Do you have similar experience you want to share?    
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35 thoughts on “FRIEND OR FOE

      • AHA! Finally free. ***Rubs Eyes***

        Honestly Lily, You went really deep on this. I must confess that i almost went into tears while reading this because i relate to it. Right from childhood, I’ve never been a “people person”, buh i remember then in JSS, i decided to take the big leap and trust someone. i did it with all my heart and to me it was great. It wasn’t long before i discovered he never even considered me to be his friend let alone his bestie. That was painful! very painful! …….. In a bid not to make “this comment longer than the parent blogpost”, I’ll end by saying i now live by this quote from Drake;

        “Nobody lookin’ out for nobody
        Maybe we should try and help somebody or be somebody
        Instead of bein’ somebody that makes the news
        So everybody can tweet about it”

        It might not make sense to you, but it does to me 😉

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  1. I did a similar post to this in my early days of blogging. I was watching ”knocking on heaven’s door recently” and realized I didn’t have a friend like Wunmi. I mean, nobody to cry to. The one whom I used to feel comfortable telling things, recently made me realize that she does nice things for people with the hope of getting the same in return and wouldn’t hesitate to cut you off if you fall short of her expectations.
    Another one bought bags from Lagos Island and lied that they were from jand, selling for me at exactly double the prize after so much persuasions to remove a token from the initial price.
    One is just not credit worthy nor relaible.
    A forth one who introduced my ex to me, went back to him after we broke up to paint me black before him.
    There’s this other one I even blogged about that I helped with cash to go for treatment when her boyfriend beat her mercilessly. She went about telling her story and put me in the middle as the victim. That was last year Oct or Nov. she still hasn’t paid. I heard the gist in Dec and I’m yet to confront her. I don’t know why I lack the will to do so.
    NO BESTFRIENDS!

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    • #teamnobestfriend. My dear, once beaten two fear, lol. I do things for people because I feel happy when I do so. There’s this inner joy and peace I feel when I help people. I’m not a selfish person who believes in I do for you, you do for me. I do because I want to.

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  2. I have best friends. I never did dat one person forever cos I’m a friend prostitute, while I was younger I used to beat myself up about it and all but along the line I finally realised that I helped myself n saved myself from wahala by not putting my “love” n all the rest in d hands of one person

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    • Lol@friend prostitute. I’m someone who value friendship a lot, that is why I pick my friends. I know I’m not perfect but I try to make sure that if something happens to our friendship tomorrow, it won’t be my fault, I try so much to make it work.

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  3. I’m not user friendly. Lol
    I’ve gat a few acquaintances and colleagues but that’s where it ends. Some of these peeps wanna cross the colleague zone to the friend zone but I am not open to such. I used to have a best friend tho, but he died almost a decade ago.

    . ….

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    • I like your principle Mannie, I try so much to colleague zone some of my colleagues but you know how some Nigerians can be na, they are always in your face, trying to cross their boundaries. Famzing for no just cause.

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  4. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. Sometimes, when people act in a particular way, I try to understand their motive before taking a decision. BTW, the song makes sense to me and I can relate with it.

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  5. I have never been one to put all my life into friendship. Don’t get me wrong, when I make friends I usually go out of my way to be the best person but I do it with my eyes open. I’m very sensitive and perceptive maybe that’s why I hardly find myself in that place where friends betray me. Before you move I’ve seen the end and adjusted. My guts is yet to be proven wrong.

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  6. chiomsy says:

    Wow xo all dis happen n I was Neva aware of any I kw u guys where frnds she’s nt ur best but u r her best. My dear forget abt d pass, thank God for my #bestie# I ve neva had such experience

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    • I’m sure you noticed we weren’t close in SS 2 and 3 but because you were not in our class and we weren’t really going home together as we used to, you couldn’t really understand what was going on.

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  7. The last best friend I had was the one who ruined my chances of ever being with the first girl I ever fell in love with. Didn’t find out until two years later. We’re still friends today but we catch up at most twice a year. The girl has pretty much hated me since that time even after she found out that he had exaggerated when feeding her information. Since then I haven’t had a best friend. Before him there were a few but we grow apart due to circumstances (most times distance). I’m not closed off to the idea of having a best friends in the future though. I have several close friends who could eventually become best friends.

    I can’t help but note that almost everyone who has commented has had a bad best friend experience and all of them (except me) have given up on ever having one. We’ll… Let me remind you that only those closest to you can truly hurt you emotionally. They’re the only ones who know the exact buttons to press. Does that now mean that you’ll never let anyone close again? We were not created that way. Even God has his close circle of angels and if I were to pick someone who would have been his best friend from the Bible, I’d pick David. Jesus had Peter, James and John. We are made in His image so how can we not have best friends? It’s like saying you will never marry because you last boo shattered your heart.

    Even if everytin I don talk no make sensethere’s no, u go sha marry one day and dat man/woman na your best friend by force.

    P.S. Lily dear, abeg no vex say my comment long o. I know say I too dey write epistle.

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  8. **clears throat** I am mad at Annie for occupying my DESIGNATED ftc position and Lily of Life for not telling me bout Kay’s post where he gave me a shout out….I think I might just send a missile to LHers….**points at everyone** y’all better take cover….

    Okay….I have had bestfriends, friends who were the best and also, gotten the best out of friends….I have had the worst kinds of friends too…**sigh** It is crazy when you think bout it…especially when the friendship has been one-sided all along. I mean, it becomes really hard to trust and give a new meaning to the word ‘friendship’….cuz you wanna stay hopeful that you will get the right friend soon….mami…this story of yours is deep and a game changer cuz the way you feel since that incident is quite understandable…buh just so you know – You are MY FRIEND….a really dear one to me….(and even though I will be sending a missile down here, I will be sending it with love)…hehe….Great Post mami….You are really a terrific blogger…I am liking it.

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  9. ife says:

    As for best friend thing, don’t really know if I av any but I always have it I’m mind that if I tell my friend a secret am prepared to hear it later from a third party in future so that at d end when I hear it, it doesn’t catch me unawares. Then we are always fast to point accusing fingers but I always ask myself ” do I also exhibit d qualities of that kind of friend I want in another? “

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  10. Omogbolahan! says:

    LTC is allowed here, right??? I remember the friends I had when I was still a kid, they’re the best i’ve had so far, we held nothing against each other and all we wanted to do was play and laugh but then we grew and things aren’t the same anymore…I still have great friends tho, but I doubt if it can ever be as great.

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    • My dear kids are innocent and they have no wicked thought. I think we’ve all have our fair share of ‘wrong friends.’ Let’s keep being the kind of friend we would like to have.

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  11. Abieyuwa Odigie says:

    I have some loyal friends since childhood n we still roll together…though I have bn hurt on some occasions it still shudnt be seen as a deterrence.my dad once told me to only give out what won’t hurt me in future esp secrets…I had an issue recently wit a colleague turn friend,we did a lot things 2gether bt she said some pretty nasty things abt me that were untrue which could have made me suffer in d office bt what saved my ass was d fact that I am a senior officer,so she ended up feeling guilty n trying to be friendly again…

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  12. I can’t imagine not having friends I won’t call it best friends tho just close friends. I’ve had many annoying close friends, doesn’t mean I would stay friendless. That’s why I don’t have one best friend , who do you talk to when your one best friend is not your friend at that moment.

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